Royalty is silly. Let us hug them.

LeBron James learned Monday night that touching a royal is so gauche.

James, when posing for a picture with the former Kate Middleton, now Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge after marrying about as well as someone can, put his arm around her, which happens sometimes during group photos.

What LeBron didn’t know is that royals are not people, and you’re not allowed to touch them, even if you wear special gloves. It violates the protocol and traditions established by Prince William’s ancestors — they who were more adept at killing all the other people vying to say they’re inherently better because they’re born that way. Royals also have the gravitas that comes with generations of distinguished inbreeding.

It’s enough that the royals are rich — the Queen’s worth about $500 million, not including all the land and castles — they don’t need to be glorified with magic and titles appropriated from Middle-earth’s best Warcraft player.

This is Prince William's full "style and title," according to Wikipedia:

His Royal Highness Prince William Arthur Philip Louis, Duke of Cambridge, Earl of Strathearn, Baron Carrickfergus, Royal Knight Companion of the Most Noble Order of the Garter Knight of the Most Ancient and Most Noble Order of the Thistle, Personal Aide-de-Camp to Her Majesty The Queen

It is absurd to assert or accept, that any human is superior to another because of their parentage, or any other arbitrary reason, like gender, race, etc. This sort of thinking never works out well, particularly for those deemed less royal.

It’s also absurd that anyone could be venerated above polite hugging. And it wasn’t just some schlubby putz putting his arm around the Duchess — a title typed grudgingly — it was effing LeBron. He’s worth like $300 million, can 360-dunk, and probably hangs out with Beyonce.

Royalty is silly. We should be able to hug them.


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